May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i believe in u and ur pee
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
