the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Is that strawberry winking at me??
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
