I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
COCAINE IS GR8
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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