shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
