remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
