My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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