Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
