her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
