He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
