I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
