i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
