I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
