I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
