cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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