i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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