and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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