break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize