you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
