we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
