I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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