I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Randomize
