My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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