Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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