I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
