absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
