You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
operation have a gay friend backfired
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
