weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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