New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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