How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
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He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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