Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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