batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
