My room smells like vodka and shame
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
