We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
