I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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