what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
