I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
