i think my tv is drunk
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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