Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
