I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
