Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
