If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We need to get me chipped asap
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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