Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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