I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
