i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
