2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
