toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
