i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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