if you like me you must not know who I am
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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