OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
