You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
