he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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