Say something about gay babies.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Sober January is a disaster.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
the room spins SO much faster in panama
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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