i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
