Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
