Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
