2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
