May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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