Midget sex pt 2 tonight
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
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you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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