The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
