You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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