oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
