why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
