So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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