I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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