Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
