I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
