The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize