So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
